I am having a severe set back on my Sugar Detox. I had been doing swimmingly until this Saturday when I had beer soaked ribs, a delicious paleo desert, and two margaritas. This was Saturday. I’m up three pounds since then. And then I find myself being the girl I hate. The weight obsessed girl, panicking over every pound gained.
Here’s the thing I most love about myself. I don’t take anything that seriously. Not my job, my weight, my divorce, my financials. There is always an element in humor in everything.
Why don’t we go through each and see how hilarious it all really is:
1) I hate my job. Actually, that’s not very funny at all. Moving on.
2) My weight. This whole blog is about my weight and how much it sucks to have to lose it. Sometimes it’s downright depressing…. Not feeling that funny.
3) My divorce. What in God’s name is funny about breaking someone’s heart, then giving all your money and possessions you ever had to your ex in order to soften the blow? Fucking Elizabeth Gilbert did the same thing but at least she was an accomplished author who got a big advance to travel the world and find herself (more like escape herself).
4) My financials. Speaking of traveling the world to escape, last year I think I spent over $4000 to go to Europe during the hardest time of my separation. I thought it would be cathartic. In actuality, I was shell-shocked, culture-shocked, and terribly uncomfortable the entire time. I went with one of my best friends. I hardly felt like speaking. Luckily she’s fairly inward as well so we shared many a wordless meal together. When I came back, I went to the Gap and saw there was a 40% of sale. I sent a text to my now boyfriend which said, “I’m at the Tysons Corner Gap. There’s a 40% off sale. God Bless America.” Nonetheless, I wracked up a lot of credit debt because of this terrific idea I had. I charged a lot of money for things that I wanted to make me feel better about my divorce. I’m still paying for them a year later. Once again, not every funny.
So maybe there is another side to me, the one who doesn’t see the funny side of things. This side is the one who gets stressed out, the one who gives herself a mental pep talk to pull herself out of this funk. I guess that’s the other part of myself that I like. It’s something I always loved about my own mother. We are resilient as hell. This stuff, the weight, the money, the job, the divorce. It will all get better in time. I don’t need prozac to regulate my mood or alcohol to forget about my problems. My problems, in the grand scheme of problems are so insignificant. I love the fact that I have a job. I love the fact that I still have enough money to pay down my debt and buy myself food to make me chubby. I love that I am still healthy to keep trying to lose the weight. I love the fact that I got a divorce, no matter all hell I went through during it.